Mystery of Ascia

Lee Berman · 22 Jan 2011, 04:34 · from 2011-January.txt.gz

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From: severiansola at hotmail.com (Lee Berman)
Date: Fri, 21 Jan 2011 23:34:14 -0500
Subject: (urth) Mystery of Ascia
Message-ID: <SNT123-w3294D3093D93970F73E20CCFFB0 at phx.gbl>

>Ryan Dunn: Ouch! Why so harsh? Is Berman Swedish? Hehh.

LMAO, nah, something much worse. Anthropologist. But there is an anthro-linguistic principle
called "code switching". Roughly means, "people understand you best when you speak in their
dialect". I don't really like being harsh, but sometimes the need to communicate supersedes.

>Son o' Witz: I'm getting a really strong sense of retro-empathy for a particular Chinese-American
 >fellow student back in high school. Some things I wondered about his apparent lack of self-esteem
 >when he was constantly trouncing us in the grades dept now seem to make more sense. 

Yep, sounds a lot like my brother-in-law.

>I'm not one to say such methods are "wrong"  but I have a real hard time relating. I don't want to 
>treat my boys like princes who can't do wrong, but I do try hard to build their self esteem and sense 
>of ability to maneuver in the world.

I also prefer to not judge (as much as possible, I am a creature of my own culture). Anthropology helps.
Both the Tiger Parent and Little Prince/Princess family strategy makes sense if they are viewed as
originating in a society with a rigid caste system. In the lower to middle classes, the best strategy
is "be humble and do your best to honor the family". For the upper classes it makes sense to
raise your kids to feel they deserve only the best, to accept nothing less. The message for all is basically 
"know your place". Some sort of caste system is always necessary in an overcrowded society. Too much
competition over carefully portioned resources is bad for everyone. Like the Commonwealth (heh, had to 
get a WOlfe reference in somehow).

A healthy mix of discipline and self-esteem building is probably the best parenting strategy in a society 
like ours where there are rules to follow but also moderate opportunity for advancement. I think so anyway
since that's how I raise my kids. (Berman helpful hint of the day- be strict with your kids when they are
young and loosen the reins when they become teens. Most kids raised this way will start to parent themselves, 
gradually given the freedom to do so).

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